I’ve been learning about grief. That seems a strange thing to say for someone who has been a Policeman and a Minister for the last forty years and has seen grief played out in many different ways. But, as many of you will know my Mum died in May followed by my Dad in October. In many ways it was a relief, their dementia meant that they were no longer the vibrant people who had shared so much with us. Yet, there were times that you could look through the dementia and see the people they had always been. Plus, caring for them had become part of the routine – along with the worries about how long we could afford to do so before seeking help! Now, I’m putting off dealing with the estate – trying to distract myself with work! And failing.
I’m realising that grief is not just about dealing with the tears bubbling up when people are too kind, or too interested. It’s about the dull mush that my brain has become, and the memories that jump in from nowhere, and managing the expectations we carry. Many of you know this, you have been here already. You live with it in various degrees of disquiet. Others will discover this place one day and you will find people who have been here before. Their experience will not match yours, but they will hopefully understand that you are living with a new reality and that is difficult.
However, because Dad did not leave the detailed instructions for his funeral that Mum had left, I was able to introduce a couple of hymns that I wish people would use more often on such occasions. One is by Shirley Erena Murray and is sung Sine Nomine (For all the Saints)
Give thanks for life, the measure of our days
Mortal, we pass through beauty that decays,
Yet sing to God our hope, our love, our praise:
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Give thanks for those whose lives shone with a light
caught from the Christ-flame, gleaming through the night,
who touched the earth, who burned for what is right
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Give thanks for all, our living and our dead,
thanks for the love by which our life is fed,
a love not changed by time of death or dread
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Give thanks for hope that, like, the seed of grain
lying in darkness, does it’s life retain
to rise in glory, growing green again;
Alleluia! Alleluia!
- © Words: 1987 Murray, Shirley Erena (Admin. by Hope Publishing Company) CCLI Licence No. 45363
So wherever you hold your grief at this time, may you know God’s blessing
Craig.